“Hello, this is Oprah. I’m not available right now but, please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I have a space in my busy schedule of running a titanic media empire and performing numerous charitable works permits.”
“Oprah. This is Joe Roy. Listen. I know you’re going to Tom Cruise’s vacation home, and I know you’re afraid. I’m afraid for you. There might not be phones on the ice planet Hoth, home of the seven-headed dragon god who sees all, so I’ve thought of a signal. 
If you need help, wait until the first photo op, and then wear a pair of tasteful patterned gold hoops, similar to these 14-karat ones featuring a concentric oval design, available from ice.com for sixty-five dollars. They’re a classy daytime look for a professional woman, so you won’t seem suspicious. When I see them, I’ll know you need help, and I’ll come get you. I… I love you, Oprah. Be brave!”
Click.
Related posts:
