Sparkle Like The Stars

Those of you who wondered who I cropped out of yesterday’s picture of Wilmer’s Wonderful Watch need wonder no more. It was K-Fed. I just… couldn’t handle K-Fed yesterday, but I’ve had a few and feel strong enough now. I’m not even going to talk about the pink shirt, faux-hawk, or barely focused eyes, except to mention how awful they are. I merely plan to point out that K-Fed, recent husband of Britney the Mad, alleged father of the Britlets, is apparently in a major crime family. I can tell because he has put on a gold pinky ring. Look at it. A gold pinky ring. A gold ring, on his pinky. On his pinky, there is a gold ring. He sports a gold ring on the smallest, furthest-out finger of his hand. There is a band of yellow metal on his digit. No way you phrase it is it anything other than just absolutely amazingly horrible. He is those children’s role model! They can be like him or Brit-Brit, and if I had to choose whether to have a gold pinky ring or scream and carry on all over Los Angeles, I’d try to get adopted by the most polite, observant Mormons in the world. I would watch only Veggie-Tales until I was thirty. Such is the horror of the pinky ring. It is only for Liberace on feast days.

If K-Fed needs a ring, he could try for something a little less ugly. This is a good example of a ring a civilized man would wear on his RING FINGER. The agate, silver, and diamond together will match almost anything, it can dress up or down (always important if you’re a rapper with kids, I’d guess,) and it’s not a gold pinky ring. For $295, you can be, in all ways, entirely better be-ringed than K-Fed. It is a small price to pay.