Sparkle Like The Stars

In this picture, Amy Wine(beer whiskey gin vodka antifreeze)house has made a very good and a very bad decision. Can you identify them? The bad decision is the bellowing, unwashed water monster next to her. He looks like a zombie dressed as Pete Doherty for Halloween. She married that. I would have sprayed with him pepper spray; called the police, ghostbusters, and my mother; and run the garbage disposal just to be safe. She has chosen to become one in the eyes of the Lord and the Queen with someone who has been poorly embalmed. I don’t even understand it.

What she has chosen well are her earrings. Amy has a distinctly ornate style, and would look underdressed without earrings, but at the same time very elaborate and flashy ones would have made her look like a lampshade at a whorehouse. So she added some classic, slightly detailed large hoops to keep the look consistent without overdoing it. I like her choice of gold here: most fair-skinned women use silver as their go-to, but her coloring works with the gold just fine, and it makes them unique, as opposed to “oh-she’s-got-silver-hoops-whoop-de-doo.” You can get this same look without the strung-out husband with these bamboo hoops by Jordan Schlanger. They’re 18K gold, fairly flexible, and create the illusion of an endless ring. The bamboo-style detailing makes them unusual without cluttering the design. You have them for just $1240 - an absolute steal when you think about how much she’ll have to pay to divorce that little toad.